• Skip to main content
  • Skip to footer

Poornima Manco

Author

  • Home
  • About Poornima
  • Books
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • Free Story
  • Sign up!
  • Privacy Policy

rape

A NO means NO

October 17, 2016 by Poornima Manco

Rarely has something made me chomp at the bit, and try and spill out on screen the anger, the sheer disgust that I feel at the rampant sexism that is being condoned and perpetuated. This week however, a combination of world events and news items have made me take to my laptop in angry defiance of a world gone mad.

It started with a video clip that surfaced of the Presidential hopeful, Mr Donald Trump. By this time, almost everyone (unless you are living under a mushroom) has heard the obnoxious and nauseating remarks he made about women, secure in his power, wealth and celebrity. This “locker room talk” had him cavalierly discussing how he could force his attentions on any woman, and not be rebuffed. This was a man who displayed zero respect for the female species, regarding them as playthings set upon earth for his consumption and entertainment. His own daughter was not spared, as he declared he would date her if she was not his offspring. A misogynistic megalomaniac with delusions of grandeur. Just what the world needs right now!

Then came the news article of Ched Evans’ acquittal. For those who are not aware of this case, Ched Evans is a footballer who was accused of rape by a 19 year old waitress. Four years ago, this inebriated woman had sex with his friend, and Ched invited himself over to this party. As per her claim, she blacked out, and had no recollection of giving consent to this menage a trois. At first, sympathy lay with her, and Ched was prosecuted. On appeal, however, this conviction was overturned. Why? Because the judges allowed details of the young woman’s past sexual behaviour to be introduced in court. At which point, the jury determined that Ched Evans was not guilty of rape. Never mind that he took advantage of a drunk woman, while ostensibly engaged to be married to another. In an even stranger twist, it was his fiancee’s family’s money and clout that ensured the admission of new evidence. Here was a woman who stood by her man, no matter how repugnant his actions were.

This brings to mind the case of Brock Turner, the former Stanford University swimmer, who sexually assaulted an unconscious woman behind a dumpster. This shining star was given a six month sentence in prison for what his father claimed was “20 minutes of action”. He was released in September having served just three of those six months. In the meantime, his victim serves a life sentence filled with fear, hurt and degradation. Justice served?

Finally, the last headline to emerge from Egypt was from an Egyptian law maker, Elhamy Agina, who claimed that female genital mutilation is needed because Egyptian men are ‘sexually weak’. So if a woman’s sexual appetite were to be reduced through this brutal practice, she would be better equipped to stand by her man. What is FGM? Female genital mutilation involves the removal of the clitoris, inner-and-outer lips of the vagina, and the sewing or stapling together of the two sides of the vulva leaving only a small hole to pass urine and menstruate. Typically FGM is performed with a razor blade on girls between the ages of four and 12, traditionally without anaesthetic. The primary purpose of FGM is to inhibit sexual pleasure in women, but it comes with severe complications like excessive bleeding, infertility, urine retention and can prove lethal. It has no medical justification whatsoever.

Isn’t it ironic that men from all walks of life, all cultures and all strata of society seem to think that a woman’s body is theirs to control? That a woman need not give consent, and does not deserve any sexual gratification of her own.

Not all men are brutes, and not all women are Madonnas. Yet the power balance is decidedly skewed in favour of the male species. It is time to reiterate that a no means a NO! It isn’t a yes couched in a flirtatious, teasing negative. That a woman must verbally consent to having sex before a man proceeds, and that she has every right to withdraw her consent at any time. That being drunk and vulnerable is not a free pass to be violated. And lastly, mutilating a woman, physically, mentally or emotionally is nothing but a sick power trip, a bastion of the weak and cowardly.

Filed Under: Blog, FGM, rape, sexual assault

The mood in Delhi

December 16, 2014 by Poornima Manco

This is another short piece I had written a few years ago. Strangely I think it still holds true.

The Mood in Delhi

Delhi, as I knew it, has changed so much in the two decades that I have been away. Yet it never fails to astound me every time I return. This time is no different.

I am a tad worried as we deplane at nearly midnight. “Is it safe to take a taxi?”, I asked my father over the phone. “Yes, as long as it is pre paid”. Strange that I should worry so, considering I have my rather strapping husband and young children with me and am not travelling alone. We have taken taxis from the airport as long as I can remember. However, things have altered dramatically in the last six months. Crime rates have shot up, particularly after the horrific rape of the 23 year old medical student, and the mood is sombre as well as cautious in the city.

We drive home in our luggage laden taxi, encountering a few desultory police check posts along the way. There is still a fair bit of traffic at that hour of the morning. I feel relatively safe, constantly assessing the young driver to see if we could take him on, if the need arose. I have always felt rather churlish on previous occasions refusing to let the driver’s mate ride with us. In hindsight, I am glad. This time, we weren’t asked and I know I would have refused again.

The driver is rather put out that he has to take the longer route to get to our house. The gates leading in are all locked at night, and there is just one way to get in and out. My husband points out that if there was a medical emergency, there is no way an ambulance would make it in.

Our taxi parks outside, and immediately the watchman comes over. He sees us and smiles and nods. Familiar faces that pose no threat. My daughter giggles. At 12 she is taller than him. We find out later that there was a break in next door while he was ostensibly on duty. So much for security.

All night, the locality’s stray dogs bark in a chorus, allowing us very little sleep. My father says this is quite normal. The local stray dogs association has provided them with collars and feeds them regularly. They are rather like the street gangs of East London. No one messes with them.

We acclimatise slowly to the time zone. Delhi is heaving, buzzing, pulsating. People go about their business as usual. Yet I feel there is a definite change in the air. Friends we meet for dinner confirm this. “We rarely travel alone at night anymore”, Manoj volunteers. “It’s just not safe.” There are reports every day of girls being attacked, abducted, raped. The Government makes all the right noises, but very little is being done. The laws are outdated and offer more protection to the perpetrators than the victims.

I am rather sad to see the city of my birth thus reduced. I cannot wait to leave. Albeit, a piece of my heart stays behind.

Filed Under: Blog, crime, delhi, india, rape, safety, security, travel

Frape and the debate thereof

December 16, 2013 by poornimamanco

This blog post arose from a funny experience I had last week.  Having been justifiably busy with the run up to Christmas, I was jotting a few random thoughts on my laptop, in the hope of fleshing it out into a blog post later. The thoughts were a jumble on fidelity, constancy, marriage, partners etc. This had been triggered by an interesting discussion I had had the previous day with some old school friends about soul mates.

Needless to say, the ideas were still amorphous, and the post in its absolute infancy. At this point, I did, what no thinking individual should do, with a teenager around.

I left my laptop unattended.

A few hours later, I found the following addendum:

Usually, you may find that that only happens in stories or ‘happily ever afters’ however that is not always true. I have pledged my life to another, a great being who understands me: he just gets me, if you know what I mean. He is my soul-mate, my other half, the one. I have pledged my life to him trusting him with everything, even me and my soulllllll. Thank you, thank you for being such a passionate and loving man. 

I have dedicated this wonderful love paragraph to MIKE ! Thanks babe for being there to feed me all the time (would be nice if u cut down a bit tho ;)). I love you no-matter what and you will always remain my hubby, you are one of the coolest soul-mates a woman could ever ask for. Thank you xxxxxxxxxx

 tehehehehehehehhe mummy like my creative writing?????

I had the biggest belly laugh upon reading this! Immediately I thought about the times I had seen my friends being “fraped” on Facebook. Their statuses being hijacked by mischief mongering sisters, husbands,children or friends.

I wondered if there was a blogging equivalent of the term, and went in search of it.

Wow! Did I open a can of worms?! While never entirely comfortable with the word Frape, I had just assumed it was another one of the teenage slang terminology that circulated for a while, became a part of the lexicon, promptly lost it’s edginess and was dropped just as quick by the aforementioned teens.

However, I had much to learn.

Frape is, of course, a combination of the words Facebook and rape. A violation of privacy, and of status.

Rape however, is no joking matter. By including it quite as widely in our daily usage, are we trivialising what is essentially a beastly attack upon another human being? Feminists seem to think so. And to be fair, I am not too far from agreeing with them.

Words like “Ho”, “Bitch”, “Nigger” lose their shock value over time. They become mainstream. And therein lies the danger.

Reams have been written about gangsta rap and it’s objectification of women and perpetration of violence against them.  Can Frape, a word that carries connotations of violation and abuse be the first step towards legitimising another cowardly misogynistic attitude?

One could argue it both ways, and people have.

However, as a woman, and as a mother to two young, impressionable girls, I choose hereon to NOT use this term. Vilifying it gives it the importance it does not deserve. Ignore it, relegate it to a store of bad taste verbs, and hope that the teens out there are way too smart to let it dictate their code of conduct.

In the meantime, however, sign off and shut that laptop!

Image

Filed Under: Blog, misogyny, rape, Uncategorized, violence Tagged With: Facebook, Frape, gangsta rap, Misogyny, Rape, Violence

Footer

  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • LinkedIn
  • Twitter
  • Home
  • About Poornima
  • Books
  • Blog
  • Contact
  • Free Story
  • Sign up!
  • Privacy Policy

Reader's List

Sign up to be the first to hear about my new releases and any special offers! 

Thank you!

Please keep an eye on your inbox to confirm your subscription. Do check your spam box just in case the acknowledgement ends up there!

.

Copyright © 2025 · Author Pro on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in