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blues

Anniversaries

May 16, 2014 by Poornima Manco

When I last logged into WordPress, it informed me that I had completed a year of blogging, and wished me on my anniversary. An entire year gone by? A year of blogging- putting my stories, my thoughts and sometimes, my innards, out for consumption. Traditionally, anniversaries are celebrated. Wedding anniversaries, birthdays, new years….all roughly fall into that category of having completed something, with an anticipation of the future unfolding in a similar manner.

Sometimes though, they give rise to a need for reflection. What does completing a year signify? Is it merely a passage of time, or has one grown in that time; learnt something, gained an insight, perhaps acquired some wisdom? At what point does one sit down and evaluate the merits of where one stands today, as opposed to where one stood five or even ten years ago?

For me, personally, it has been a turbulent year. I have been shaken up in more ways than one. What I have learnt is, that I am incapable of writing stories, when my mind is troubled. I need to be in a safe place metaphorically, even if it isn’t necessarily a happy one. Yet, I am able to blog with impunity, for it requires no great powers of plotting, characterisation, or an end product meeting my own exacting standards, let alone anyone else’s.

I am trying to inch towards this safe zone. Blogging is my therapy. And that is something worth celebrating.

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Filed Under: behaviour, belief, Blog, blogs, blues, story, therapy, Uncategorized, writing Tagged With: anniversaries, blogging, Stories

Birthday Blues

September 22, 2013 by poornimamanco

So, the milestone birthday has been and gone. All I felt at the time was excited anticipation and a cognisance of being very blessed to have my loved ones around me.

A few years on, and around my birthday this time, I have had the worst case of blues. Not being a depressive personality, this has taken me quite by surprise. It’s a feeling of listlessness, lethargy, lassitude; feeling devalued, friendless and lost. It is quite difficult to analyse one’s own state of mind. There is no distance there, no sense of perspective.

Is it age related? Perhaps. Post forty, one starts to feel that life is heading downhill. Most of what I hoped to achieve, most of what life could offer, is maybe behind me now? Or maybe, it’s just all of life’s recent events that have snowballed inside of me, and Wham! when I am least expecting it, sledgehammered me into this state of ennui. I have been tearful and morose, cheerless and apathetic. Not much fun at all. Particularly when my children have excitedly baked me a cake, my husband has spoilt me rotten…and my guilt at not cartwheeling happily through the day has only compounded my misery.

So, here’s what I have decided upon. Life is for the living. Forty two or Eighty four, it is what I make of it. I refuse, from this moment on, to be unhappy or self absorbed or let small, inconsequential matters take over what is essentially, a very fortunate life. My mantra hereon is Carpe Diem! Seize the day!

Amen.

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Filed Under: Blog, blues, carpe diem, depression, fortunate, old age, Uncategorized

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