Poornima Manco

Author

2020

The multiple sides of Megxit

by

Living in the United Kingdom, it has been nigh on impossible to escape the news that Harry and Meghan, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex have decided that they want to be part-time royals. What an outcry there has been! Is this a second abdication of duty, prompted by another American divorcee? Are they trying to have their cake and eat it too? And what of all of Harry’s attacks on the media? Is Meghan so thin-skinned that she didn’t realise that scrutiny was par for the course in her position?

I am no royalist, but I am fascinated by the media circus around them. Back in the ’90s when I first moved to the UK, I couldn’t turn sideways without being confronted by another headline or photograph of Princess Diana. To me, at the time, it seemed outrageous that the woman was given no modicum of privacy, that her every move was watched, papped and analysed in the minutest detail. We all know how that ended.

The appetites of the masses are fed by the salacious gossip peddled as news by the tabloids. It’s like the royal family, with all their prestige and titles, have to behave like puppets who perform to earn their keep. Whatever feelings or opinions they may have on the matter are never ever to be aired. Given time, if they’ve played the role well enough, they may well become inviolate in the eyes of the media and the masses. But that could take years, and they had better not step out of line in the meantime.

Meghan was always different. Strong, opinionated, mixed-race and divorced, this ‘breath of fresh air’ was cut very little slack right from the start. Like all other royal wives, she incurred the slurs and the brickbats that came her way. Reports of her having driven a wedge between the brothers, having made Kate cry, been a demanding diva before her wedding and regularly upset her staff making some key people quit, appeared all over the tabloids. Was any of it true? No smoke without fire, people said. Could these reports have been hugely exaggerated? No rebuttals came from any parties. And so the myth evolved.

Now, none of us is privy to what’s gone on behind closed doors. Maybe Meghan was difficult and demanding, maybe the brothers did fall out and maybe things could have been handled differently by all the parties involved. But here’s the thing: which family doesn’t have its share of problems? Arguments, disagreements, not seeing eye to eye on issues has happened to all of us, all over the world, just not in such a public way.

In a saga to rival a soap, Harry and Meghan decided to decamp to Canada. Yet, they were willing to still perform whatever royal duties were required of them. Over a meeting with her son and grandsons, the queen agreed to his request, but in turn, imposed her own conditions, the details still being hammered out. However, her tone was conciliatory, and her handling of the situation incredibly astute and diplomatic, just as any wise matriarch’s would be.

What I find astounding in all of this is just how vilified Meghan has been by the tabloid press and by the masses. How is it possible for people not to see that for an educated, independent woman, royal life could prove stifling and claustrophobic? That even the most self-possessed person could eventually let the enormous barrage of criticism get to her? That Harry was only wanting to do the best by his family?

Let’s face facts for a minute. Harry is sixth in line to the throne and knew that in time his relevance would only decrease. What’s wrong with him wanting to carve out a separate identity from that of The Crown, from wanting to establish his own credentials, and display his own personality? As for whether the tabloid attacks on Meghan were racist or not, ask a person of colour that question, not some old, white guy who looks at the headlines from his narrow perspective of white privilege and says, no, not at all!

In no way am I trying to defend or justify any single person in this entire episode, but let’s just try and bring some level-headed clarity to the situation without putting on the blinkers of our judgemental selves.

Why has Harry and Meghan’s stepping down as senior royals been more significant than Prince Andrew’s shady involvement with convicted paedophile Jeffrey Epstein? What about that awful, dissembling interview of his? Where are the constant headlines about that? Where is the never-ending hue and cry? Where is the persistent vilification, the denouncement, the anger? Where?

Ultimately, what happens to Harry and Meghan has little bearing on what happens to us in our daily lives, yet we watch slack-jawed, hungry for details as another family combats its internal travails, a family that we want to be ‘perfectly royal’, to have no problems because why would they, with all that money and privilege? Yet, when they do, we want all the dirty linen washed in front of us, because how else will we get our kicks? How else will we feel better about ourselves, by knowing that no one is immune to pain, regardless of status or stature?

Maybe it is time to look away, time to let them sort things out and time to let the dust settle. It’s the least we owe Diana’s son.

 

New year, New you & all that jazz

by

Every year without fail I make my New Year resolutions. Lose weight, sleep more, write more, practice patience, be kinder, be nicer etc. Some of these I manage to implement, while others fall by the wayside. Isn’t that what it’s like for most of us?

The start of a year seems to be a good time to set oneself goals. Things that need accomplishing and things that never seem to get accomplished. But there is a desire and a willingness to set oneself these aims for the future. Somehow, a new year is like a blank slate just waiting to be written upon.

2020 has a nice ring to it. It is not just the start of a new year, it’s also the beginning of a new decade. A decade which I hope is less turbulent and traumatic than the last one was, for me personally. A decade which will see the fruition of certain ambitions, the cementing of certain relationships and the sloughing off of others. And maybe, just maybe, 2020 will be the start of that.

Yet, what are New Year resolutions without a list? I am the queen of lists. I make daily ones, monthly ones and annual ones too. I derive so much satisfaction from ticking things off my list(s). There is a sense of execution, attainment and fulfilment each time something gets crossed off. So, this year, in addition to the usual suspects, I have added another challenge for myself.

This is my year of the no-spend.

Why? Well, I have been reading and hearing so much about sustainable living, and there is something about this idea that appeals to me. Mass consumption has wrecked our beautiful planet. From greenhouse gases to plastic waste, from deforestation to ridiculous amounts of energy consumption, the human race has done everything in its capacity to destroy the only real home it has. What kind of a planet are we going to leave our children? What kind of a future will they have? What can we do right now to help?

Well, we can begin by living sustainably. By consuming only what we require and no more, by practising minimalism and reducing our carbon footprint as much as we can.

To that end, I am starting with this no-spend year. The plan is that I will not buy any new clothes this year. The garment industry, particularly ‘fast fashion’ that sees garments produced, consumed and discarded at alarming rates, is a large contributor to global pollution and waste. My not buying any new clothes may only be a drop in the ocean, but it’s a start. To that list, I am also adding cosmetics and costume jewellery.

Now, on a personal front, I am very fortunate to have enough to keep me going, not just this year but perhaps for the next few years too. But, let’s face it. We, particularly women, don’t just shop to replace. We shop for fun, for fashion, for variety and sometimes, to relieve boredom. I know I do. So, I intend to avoid all such triggers and replace them with things like reading, meeting up with friends, writing my next book… you get the idea.

There is a caveat to my no-spend year. I will still buy gifts for friends and I will still go out for meals (preferably not blow-out ones) and have my ‘experiences’. Otherwise, I’m likely to become a very unhappy character indeed.

Baby steps.

At the end of this year, I will report back on how it went. Whether I managed to do it, whether there were any blips along the way, how I felt, whether I’d like to continue and alongside answer any questions you may have as well.

Wish me luck!

And oh, by the way, dry January is going well too. 😉🙏🏽

 

 

Hurry up, slow down

by

Where has 2019 gone? I mean, seriously! I know we tend to say this every year when we look back, but this year in particular, has just sped past. Scarily so! Is this a side-effect of ageing? Remember when we were children and time seemed to pass soooo slowwwwly?

So why the ‘hurry up’ in the title of this blog post? Well, it’s quite a personal thing. You see, I am now more than ever, acutely aware that my time on this planet is limited. Gone are the days of youthful insouciance, knowing in one’s bones that there are decades to follow, many many years to accomplish, live, love, party and work. Now, it’s a slow winding down to a more sedate living; less partying, possible retirement and fewer accomplishments. Not yet, I know, but not that far off in the future either.

Hence, there is a need within me to try and hurry up in accomplishing all the goals I have set myself. Writing more books, travelling to far-flung places, reading all the classics I missed the first time around, watching highly-regarded Television shows, discovering little-known gems of movies, doing more and being more. All these desires and the realisation of the paucity of time.

One could argue that no-one knows exactly how long we have to live, so really, the mantra should be to live every day as if it were your last. In reality, though, that is an exhausting thought. Who wants to spend each day chasing goals? I don’t know about you, but I have good days and bad days. Days that I want to do sod-all and days that I am at my productive best. It is in fits and starts and bursts of energy and inspiration that I move forward.

My slow down is an appeal not just to time (when has that ever happened?) but also to myself. In hurtling towards doing more and being more, it’s easy to miss the beauty of just being. There is so much joy and satisfaction to be found in sitting around a dinner table with your family, discussing the mundane details of life. Such pleasure to be had over a cup of coffee with a friend, catching up or reminiscing. So much contentment in sipping a glass of wine in front of the fireplace, sitting quietly with your partner, letting the hypnotic dance of the flames lull you into a serene state of equanimity.

Perhaps it is finding a balance between the hurrying up and slowing down that allows one to live one’s best life. So, here’s to 2020. May it be the best of both.

🍾🥂🎊