Poornima Manco

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The only solution?

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I cannot possibly presume to know what state of mind Kate Spade or Anthony Bourdain were in when they decided to end it all. What saddens me and countless others is, that they felt that suicide was the only answer to their problems.

Can taking one’s own life truly be a solution?

I am no advocate for suffering, and in certain instances I do believe that voluntary euthanasia maybe a path out of a miserable existence. However, those are extreme cases where the individual is unable to function in any capacity, their bodies are riddled with disease and their very living is a suffering beyond belief.

Yet both of these seemingly successful, high achieving celebrities had no such known issues. Yes, Kate Spade had suffered from anxiety and depression, and Bourdain had publicly acknowledged his battle with drugs. So why did they not receive the kind of help they required? Are mental health issues still such a taboo subject that those suffering would rather die than ask for help?

The society and the world at large have more sympathy for a person who has a physical disability rather than a mental one. However, anxiety and depression are on the rise. Despite all the so-called connectivity offered to us by social media and the world wide web, we are increasingly becoming more sequestered as individuals. Community and family structures are breaking down and whilst technology has given us enormous independence it has also brought along in its wake, enormous isolation.

As a society, we admire wealth and success and rarely acknowledge the sacrifice that it takes to get to the pinnacle of any career. Nor do we see the struggle or pressure to hold on to that top spot. Celebrities are our modern Gods, and heaven forbid that we discover they have clay feet.

Spade and Bourdain chose to check out early from this daily grind we call life. Perhaps both were in such a dark place that neither love nor beauty nor poetry could alleviate the suffering of their minds. Such wonderful, talented people with so much to offer the world, who did not believe in their own worth. Such a damned shame!

If there is any lesson to take away from their early departures, it is this: Forge and strengthen your own connections, remember to enjoy all of life’s abundance and have the fortitude to overcome the lows that will invariably follow the highs. More than anything else, reach out to those who are suffering, especially the ones unable to seek help. You never know- you may just end up being their lifeline.

 

A bit of Llama drama

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“Come on Cluedo…come on boy” I said, tugging vainly at the leash of my eccentric llama. To say I hadn’t envisioned this outcome to my day was an understatement. I had taken many a dog for a walk in my time, but taking a llama for a walk was nothing short of an exercise in patience.

You see, a while ago, in a flash of inspiration I had decided that birthday gifts were passé. What we needed were birthday experiences. So when my younger daughter turned 14, I hunted high and low for something (anything) to do with llamas. She had been obsessed with these funny/cute creatures for a while. So much so, that her sister had even baked her a 13th birthday cake with fondant figures of her getting married to Shawn Mendes (her other obsession) and the entire ceremony being officiated by a llama.

Hence, when I stumbled upon a llama walk, I thought, perfect! Her excitement knew no bounds, and she was ready to go pronto. I had to convince her to hold off, as January is probably not the best month to go tramping through the fields with a 6 foot animal. A bank holiday Monday in May when the sun was shining and the temperature was a balmy 28ºC was. So, we set off at a quarter past nine to arrive in time for our 11am walk with these curious creatures.

Our briefing was done by a soft spoken young chap called Will, and it consisted of how to hold the leash to the llama’s harness: don’t loop it around your wrist because if the llama decides to take off, it can go from nought to 35mph in minutes, and guess what- you’d go with it! Additionally, not to stand behind a llama in case it decided to kick you with its hind legs, and finally not to pat it on it’s head. Anything below the harness was fine.

With all that said, we were handed the leash to our respective llamas. The girls got the gentle giant Nero. We got the perky Cluedo. Perhaps the name should have been a clue to what lay ahead, but truthfully, most of us (except second daughter who was totally clued up on llama facts) were llama novices.

Will led the way, and Nero refused to follow. Nero’s disposition being quite pacifist, he preferred being second, third or last in the queue. Cluedo had no such qualms. He quite happily took the lead, trotting alongside me with a been-there-done-that air. I kept a leash length distance eying him warily.  His gentle demeanour and Bambi lashes put me at ease, and just as I was settling into my pace, he veered to the left and decided to take a five minute grazing break on the lovely grass a hundred metres away from our starting point.

The whole procession of 6 llamas and ten people ground to a halt. I tugged at his leash to no avail. Will looked at me and shrugged. “Yeah, they do that a lot. You may have to be firm with him.” Firm or not, Cluedo took his own sweet time, and when he’d had his fill I had to turn around in a circle to get him back on track.

We trudged on, with Cluedo taking his grass breaks every five minutes and I doing the whole tugging and turning around in a circle routine to get him moving again. Honestly, I felt a bit of a fool, particularly as the rest of the llamas seemed a more sedate lot, content to walk with their partners with little or no drama.

Maybe I just wasn’t very good at this taking a llama for a walk thing. I mean, sure, dogs stopped to sniff and wee in many places during the course of a walk, but goodness, who knew a llama could put away so much grass! I kept trying to catch hubby’s eye to palm the llama off to him, but he was too busy clicking photos, and so, Cluedo and I were stuck with each other for the foreseeable future.

Soon we reached an open field with buttercups that stretched to the horizon, and the tower of a hotel that used to be a convent looming up in the background. Will reached into the back pack of one of the older llamas and pulled out bags of carrots that he handed out to each of us. This was their little treat for the day. A reward for putting up with us pesky humans. He demonstrated feeding them by placing the cut up carrots in the palm of his hand and holding it up to the llama. The llama sniffed and then gently nibbled them up from Will’s hand. Then Will placed a piece of cut up carrot and leaned towards the llama. He wanted us to see what a llama kiss looked like. Of course, animals, much like children, refuse to cooperate at the most opportune times. Christopher, the llama, gave him a dismissive look, and went back to grazing on the grass. After much wheedling on Will’s part, he finally gave in, and took the carrot delicately from his mouth.

I looked at Cluedo, who looked back at me impassively. No, I didn’t think either of us wanted to get that intimate with each other.

“Where do they put it all?” asked a lady in our party.  Llamas have three stomachs,  Will explained, a lot like cows that have four. And even though, they have the grace and the pulchritude of deer, they are more closely related to camels.

These amazing animals are native to South America, and were domesticated and used as pack animals over 4000 years ago by the Peruvian Indians. Llamas are hardy, smart, easy to train and well suited to harsh environments. Their fleece is used in textiles and their wool is warm, light and water repellant. They are social animals that like living in herds, but don’t get on their wrong side or you’ll end up being spat at. In all fairness though, they are more likely to spit at one another in annoyance or a display of machismo.

“When does it all come out?” asked another lady. Right on cue, her llama bent its hind legs and proceeded to display the workings of his intestines. Smart, huh?

An hour into our walk, I was glad to notice I wasn’t the only one encountering difficulties with a recalcitrant llama. Two of the ladies in our party had been dragged through the brambles and shrubberies as their respective llamas enjoyed the sensation of being scratched. I looked at Cluedo and sighed with relief. A greedy llama was better than an itchy one.

Handing the leash over to the husband, I went over to the girls to see how they were getting on. Nero was a dream. Docile as a lamb, he didn’t mind the girls stroking him, dancing with him or doing silly poses. He put up with all of their antics with the patience of an old grandpa.

Another carrot and water break later, we ended up switching llamas. Husband and Nero took off at a stately pace, and daughter number one was left to go around in circles with Cluedo. As we neared the farm, Cluedo’s pit stops increased in frequency till we were lagging so far back to practically lose sight of our group and Will.

“Let’s jog with him” I suggested. I had tried that earlier and he’d responded well to my prompting. Daughter proceeded to put the plan in action. Cluedo jogged a bit and stopped. Then he decided to graze for an inordinately long time. The entire party had reached the top of the hill, and were waiting for us to catch up.

“Come on Cluedo….come on boy!” I urged. Cluedo gave me a disdainful look and kept chewing. A little girl came up to him and offered him a handful of buttercups. He ignored her as well. This was one heckuva stubborn llama. We just had to wait it out.

Finally, in his own good time, Cluedo decided to rejoin the party. As we led him and Nero to their shelters, and handed them over to Will, I felt a pang of sadness. Without meaning to, I had bonded with these lovely llamas. There was something quietly soothing about walking in step with these majestic animals. Although, the Peruvian Indians must have had a few tricks up their sleeves to get anywhere in time with these strong willed mammals.

Our llama adventure over, we picnicked outside, marvelling at the glorious sunshine we had been blessed with. Husband leaned over and said “Babe, don’t take this the wrong way….”

Uh oh!

“You’ve certainly made me experience some strange and wonderful things.”

We smiled at each other and I thought, Well, that’s alright then.

 

 

 

 

 

A Union of Hope

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The sparkling wine was chilling nicely, the lemon and elderflower cake had been baked and iced and it was fish and chips, Pimms and scones with clotted cream and jam on the menu for the day. We were planning to have our very own, very propah British celebration for Harry and Meghan’s nuptials. After all, they were only a stone’s throw away in Windsor. Practically neighbours!

Jokes aside, nearly all of Britain (and quite a bit of the world!) was just as caught up in the excitement and anticipation of possibly the last BIG Royal wedding for a few years to come. And what a beautiful wedding it was! From the glorious day to the beautiful setting of St. George’s Chapel, the military precision of the organisers, the pomp and the ceremony, the fabulous guests in their fabulous outfits, the multiple invitees of various charities, the divine music, the attendance of the great and the good, and ultimately to the young couple themselves, it was a spectacle from start to finish.

What is it about weddings that has us getting teary eyed? Vows that we have heard repeated so many times in so many different ways that we could repeat them verbatim, and yet they evoke such a powerful response in us? What is it about getting together and celebrating the union of two people that makes us joyful and hopeful time and again?

Marriage is a leap of faith. It is the coming together of two individuals who may differ in so many ways- in background, education, culture, class, religion, temperament, ideas and opinions- and yet choose to be with one another. Choose to pledge their fidelity and their futures to each another. In their coming together, they knit their families together as well, and in this fashion the fabric of society weaves itself into another beautiful pattern.

Harry and Meghan’s wedding hasn’t just brought together two families, it has brought together two nations and two races as well. In choosing to marry Meghan, a bi-racial divorcee actress who is older than himself, Harry hasn’t just shrugged the cloak of tradition aside, he has practically flung it off.

As for Meghan, what can one say about this incredibly beautiful, progressive, elegant, self assured young woman who so obviously adores her husband? Very little that hasn’t been said already.

1.9 billion people tuned in to watch the live broadcast of the Royal wedding. 1.9 billion people who were just as enthralled by the love story of Diana’s second son as we were. In the melding together of two cultures, we saw the formality and structure of British ceremony marry the fluidity and informality of American culture. In Michael Curry’s impassioned address to the couple he spoke openly about the redemptive power of love.

The same power that saw Meghan walk solo down the aisle for she walked towards the man she loved. The same power that made Prince Charles step in to give her away, for his son and his future daughter-in-law’s happiness. The same power that saw Doria Ragland well up as her daughter spoke her vows, but hold on to her composure with admirable dignity and grace. The same power that made a 96 year old Prince Philip who had hip surgery last month, walk unaided to the front of the chapel. The same power that has seen the Royal family open their arms to the girl their grandson, son, nephew or brother has fallen in love with. Redemptive and transformative.

One can, and must, expect wonderful things from this union. For anyone who sees the Royal family as a stuffy old establishment best consigned to the past, they miss the point. The Royal family is our connection to the past. In their time honoured traditions, in their (mostly) proper conduct, in their tireless service to charity and good works, they function as an example and a barometer of the nation. In this very modern marriage of equals, Meghan will add her own unique qualities and substance to the mix, enhancing their potency and effectiveness.

I am no Royalist, yet I couldn’t help but be enchanted by this young couple’s wedding. Love shone out of their eyes as they looked upon on another, and in that love there was hope for a future where caste, creed or colour will cease to matter.

harry meghan

Why Book Clubs matter

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Ask any writer why they started to write, and I can guarantee you that they will confess to a love of reading. A love that first led them through that enchanted doorway into other people’s stories; of faraway lands and mythical creatures, or common place situations and every day folk, to finally feeling an urge to tell their own stories in their own ways.

I was introduced to reading at a very early age. From Fairy Tales to Enid Blyton to Agatha Christie to the classics, I devoured all kinds of books. I had a fine example in my mother whose nightly winding down routine consisted of reading a chapter of whichever book she was currently immersed in. My father, who was never much of a fiction reader, nevertheless took his Materia medica to bed in a similar fashion. My uncles and aunts were all readers, and I was often advised to always have a book at hand while waiting in long queues, for all sorts of journeys and any other boring interludes. It is no wonder that I developed a passion for reading.

Like all passions however, when life decided to overload me, reading had to be relegated to the background. I still read, but intermittently and haltingly. Often losing track of the story or the characters themselves. From reading a book a week, it became a book every few months, and then a book a year, if that. Social media, the Internet, Television, Netflix and other seemingly more urgent activities and pastimes took over.

During that time, I still kept writing. Some of the stuff I produced was pretty good. Imagination and language skills kept me afloat. But a lot of it was uninspiring and devoid of spark. After all, if life and experiences are grist to the mill of writing, then reading surely is the flavour and seasoning.

Two things rekindled my love of reading. Both, strangely, belonged to the virtual world.

The first was a simple application called Goodreads. A place where books were listed and reviewed, not just by literary critics but by the ordinary Joe or Jane. You could befriend or follow people, or you could roam its virtual shelves solitary yet surrounded by innumerable book lovers. You could add to your own list of books that you had read or books that you wanted to read, and you could rate and review a book as soon as you had finished it.

The second was my induction into a reading group on Facebook. Like many other groups that I had either joined or been added to unwittingly, I chose to ignore the posts in the beginning. Then one day someone’s post piqued my curiosity. It was a beautifully written review on a book I hadn’t heard of. I immediately cross checked the reviews on Goodreads, and suitably satisfied, downloaded this book on to my Kindle. From that moment on, my respect for the members of this group grew. From lurking on the sidelines, I became an active participant, posting reviews or chiming in on discussions. I discovered new writers and newer books, and kindred spirits along the way.

In a very 21st Century way, I had become a part of a Book Club.

You see, wherever book lovers congregate, whether in the real world or in the virtual world, certain preliminaries are already taken care of. The major one being an unwavering love of literature. Your tastes may differ, you may prefer one genre over another, one kind of writing over another, but there is always a love for reading that will unite you.

I was lucky enough to be invited to a proper Book Club this week. I was the visiting author, there to talk about my book: Parvathy’s Well & other stories. Whilst it was an odd experience analysing my stories and my creative process, I was thrilled that this group of women had invested their time in my book, and were now willing to invest time in me too. Once my segment was over, I sat back and watched them discuss another book. What emerged was a desire to understand other lives and experiences through discussion, analysis and swapping of their own stories.

Reading is a portal into other worlds, but the reader has to be receptive to the messages that the book is imparting, and be willing to undertake that journey with the author. Along the way, some readers turn into writers themselves. And so, the tradition of story telling, that began with the caveman’s crude drawings depicting life as he saw it, continues in progressively sophisticated formats.

So also with Book Clubs. In increasingly frenetic lives, it is not always possible to commit to meeting x number of times at a venue, desirable though it may be. Virtual book clubs step in here. Like minded individuals can meet and swap ideas, notes and reviews on books they like or don’t, virtually.

Naysayers had once decried the use of e readers, saying that they could never replace the look, smell and feel of real books. That is true. However, e readers have survived because they are portable, and books can be downloaded with a tap. Ease and convenience are not to be overlooked.

Ultimately, words- whether on paper or on screen- are what set our imaginations alight, and Book Clubs- real or virtual- bring us bibliophiles together.

That is no bad thing.

No country for women, girls, babies…

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Asifa and Unnao. Two names that are juxtaposed in the Indian media today. Two names that may or may not reveal anything to people the world over. But two names that reveal the disgusting socio-political, religiously perverted society that India has devolved into.

In the years that have followed the rape and murder of Jyoti Singh Pandey, Delhi’s ‘braveheart’ who resisted and fought her attackers to death, has anything changed? There was outrage and public outpouring of grief and demands for justice back then. There was an examination of how and why such incidents occurred. Yet little if anything did change. In actual fact, statistics show that instances of crime against women  increased! Naysayers can argue increased reportage but the fact remains that a largely indolent but frighteningly nationalist government, an increasingly patriarchal society and a lack of punitive measures has stealthily given rise to a culture that allows its womenfolk to be routinely harassed, attacked and sexually assaulted.

Yet Asifa was only a little girl. An eight year old child who was abducted, drugged and raped by a gang of men for days, till finally being killed by a blow to the head by a rock. Were they a paedophile ring targeting children? Vile as that maybe, the truth is even more chilling. Asifa was targeted because she was a Muslim girl belonging to a nomadic tribe that had the temerity to graze their flock in a Hindu area. This was an organised crime spearheaded by the custodian of a Hindu temple and involving lawmakers and law enforcers. Shockingly, when an attempt was made to register a case against them, a Hindu nationalist mob including government officials, lawyers and women protested in favour of the arrested men.

In a country that has become inured to violence, this was an eye opener.

The Unnao rape case occurred in June 2017. A seventeen year old girl was lured to the house of a MLA (Member of the Legislative Assembly) of Uttar Pradesh, by a woman on the pretext of securing her employment. There, she was sexually assaulted by the MLA. Despite repeated attempts to register a case against him, it was not till she threatened to immolate herself in front of the Chief Minister’s house nearly ten months later, was any attention given to her pleas. Meanwhile, her father having been threatened and beaten up by the MLA’s brother and other assorted goons, died in police custody the following day.

Asifa and Unnao. Two names that have become inextricably linked within the Indian consciousness. Two names that have once again led to nationwide protests demanding justice, a change in laws and culpability for criminals of all ilk and provenance.

Yet this is a malaise that has deep roots.

Power, Patriarchy and Religion. A malevolent triptych that holds an entire nation to ransom.

In a country that began its life promising to be secular, promising to house and respect all religions and faiths, India has seen some of the worst sectarian violence in its seventy odd years of Independence. Whether it is Hindus vs Muslims, Hindus vs Sikhs or even Hindus vs Hindu Dalits (the lowest caste), theistic fervour has given India the dubious distinction of being the fourth-worst country for religious violence, trailing only behind Syria, Nigeria and Iraq. In an increasingly nationalistic atmosphere that celebrates Hinduism and marginalises all other faiths, a Saffron Reich of zealots are police stating their way into people’s lives.

Those in command have risen through the ranks on the back of proselytising the youth to their agenda. Fanaticism is bred and encouraged. Bigotry, extremism and partisanship are the cornerstones of a government drunk on its own power and ideology. It is no wonder that in this atmosphere hostility and discrimination towards minority religions is alive and well.

Yet, a religion that ostensibly worships the feminine ‘Shakti’ (energy) as a Devi in her many avatars, has zero respect for the women or girls of its land. When an eight month old baby is raped by her twenty eight year old cousin in the Indian capital of New Delhi, does Hindutva proclaim him a criminal or turn a blind eye as it always does? When rape is viewed as consensual sex, does Hindutva hang its head in shame or turn its face the other way? When a girl is said to be tempting a boy by virtue of her femininity, does Hindutva defend her as a Devi, or let her be mauled by its minions?

Let me be clear: I am a Hindu by birth and by upbringing. To me, being Hindu has never meant kowtowing to rules created by a patriarchal priesthood that tells me what to eat, when to eat, what to wear or who to worship. These man made rules do not govern me. For me Hinduism has always meant being inclusive, respectful and considerate towards all. I do not recognise or associate with this brand of Hinduism that is a weapon in the hands of the powerful and the corrupt.

Ultimately, no amount of slogan shouting or banner holding can even begin to address the root of the problem. A country that is steeped in religion, tradition and dogma is held with a leash to its collar by ruthless demagogues.

What hope can the women of this land have?

Amazon Free Deal

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For three days only, my ebook is available to download for free!😊Manybooks.net is publicising it on their site too:

http://manybooks.net/archive/20180411

Do go ahead & order it. If you enjoy the book don’t forget to review it on Amazon and Goodreads!

Many thanks and happy reading.😊