Poornima Manco

Author

Poornima Manco

The extroverted introvert

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Does this sound like you?

I’ve just come back from the largest Indie book conference in the world, where I learned so much and made many new friends, but you know what my most surprising takeaway was? The fact that, at heart, most writers are introverts. As am I.

I’ve always pretended to be an extrovert, be happy in company and at parties, even enjoyed the spotlight to a large extent, but somewhere within me I’ve always known, that given half a chance, I would rather be curled up on my sofa reading a book.

A lot of it could be down to my background and upbringing. I am an only child, and in my childhood with both parents working, I had no choice but to embrace reading and escape into other worlds or do the same with my imagination. Which, I suppose, in turn, led me to become a writer.

The other aspect of my nature is the desire to melt into the background, to become an observer of people and life, to take mental notes and file them away for future reference. What are writers but people who carefully curate experiences to create experiences for their readers?

So, looking around a room of 1000 strangers, I had a mild panic attack. How would I possibly get by for the next three days? I knew no one, and although we were all there to learn something, to grow, to expand our minds and our readership, we were still unknown quantities to each other.

I really needn’t have worried. Just as a country has its own language, we had ours. ‘Reader magnets’, CPCs, Beta readers, Bookbub deals – words and terms that would be incomprehensible to a layperson, became the vocabulary we introduced ourselves with. ‘Reverse harem’, ‘LitRPG’, ‘Space Opera’ were genres I started to grasp. Most importantly though, I came to understand, that here was a humongous tribe of (mostly) introverts who had pushed themselves out of their comfort zones to mingle with and learn from other equally terrified introverts.

There was absolutely no pressure to socialise if you didn’t want to. If you did, however, you were welcomed into groups with a rare and genuine kinship. In an extremely intense and enjoyable few days, I found myself relaxing into being just me. This me could be an extrovert or an introvert, depending on my mood. And that was okay because these were people who understood because this was them too.

On any given day, we are a multitude of things. I know that I am, for the most part, an extroverted introvert. Which means that after I have spent a lot of time in the company of people, I need to retreat and recharge my batteries for quite a while before I venture into company again. Some people will read this and say, “You? Never!” Because the facade is a good one. But I am also the person who can get extremely shy, awkward and tongue-tied amongst people. Often I’ve had to give myself a very stern talking-to before meeting someone new, for fear of making a complete fool of myself. I am incredibly diffident about approaching people, and the tiniest rebuff can dent my confidence for days.

Why am I telling you all this? Because I want you to be aware that sometimes people aren’t who they appear to be.

For the world I may seem to be a confident go-getter, travelling around the world, ready to plunge into any new experience, up for a laugh or a party at the drop of a hat. In reality, I am shy, very critical of myself, lazy to a large extent and an over-thinker to a painful degree. I am no different from any other human being. We are all bundles of contradictions.

Maybe its time to discard all such labels and to embrace our faults and our foibles, to delight in the many positive qualities we have been endowed with, work hard to overcome our shortcomings, but also to never ever lose sight of the fact that regardless of who or what kind of people we are, there is a reason for and a value to our existence.

 

The sweetest revenge

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I’ll start by saying that I was fully prepared to hate it. I’d read enough bad reviews about ‘Once upon a time in Hollywood’ to have preconditioned my mind to not like the movie. However, I was on a long haul flight and the film offerings were nothing worth getting excited over. This one piqued my curiosity and I started to watch it.

I am not new to Quentin Tarantino’s films. Just out of teens, I’d watched ‘Natural Born Killers’ with my friend and been riveted as well as disturbed by the violence in the movie. ‘Pulp Fiction’ though, just blew my mind, it was that good! ‘Kill Bill’ I watched on television when there was nothing else to watch, and despite myself, got sucked into the story. The point is, I am not unfamiliar with his oeuvre. Accusations of misogyny and gratuitous violence aside, there is no doubt that Tarantino has earned his stripes as a maverick filmmaker.

So, what about the people who’d said to me that this movie was one long yawn-fest? Without discounting their opinions, I tried watching it with a completely open mind and I was not disappointed.

A bit of background for those who do not know what this movie is about: In 1969, the horrific, brutal and senseless murders of Sharon Tate and her friends rocked the Hollywood community. Committed by Charles Manson’s ‘family’ members, a cult that believed so implicitly in their leader’s vision that they were ready to kill for him, it shook Hollywood to its core. Particularly as Sharon Tate, Roman Polanski’s wife had been eight and a half months pregnant, and despite begging for the life of her unborn baby, been stabbed fatally with her blood being used to write ‘pig’ on the front door.

In Tarantino’s retelling, he’s kept to most of the truth, combining the fictional lives of his protagonists played by Leonardo di Caprio and Brad Pitt, with the very real lives of Tate and co. In splicing real film footage from Tate’s career, he once again bucks the trend of recreating everything from scratch. This does not divert from the storytelling. 

A washed-up actor and his stunt double are best buddies, having been through thick and thin together. Rick Dalton’s career is on the wane, and despite having bought property in Hollywood Hills, and being a neighbour to the hot new director Roman Polanski and his beautiful actress wife, Sharon Tate, Di Caprio’s Dalton is well aware that his glory days are behind him. In his downward slide is his pal and Man Friday, Cliff Booth, played by Pitt. Their career trajectory is also an examination of the rise and fall of the genre of the Westerns, and the lure of the terrible Spaghetti Westerns that flooded Hollywood in the ’60s.

Tarantino’s homage to Hollywood is heavy-handed and ham-fisted in many places, but his love for the industry shines through regardless. In this long (and sometimes rambling) tale, he examines the disparate states of human behaviour. There is Dalton’s self-awareness that his time is nearly up, there is Tate’s excitement in her rising star, there is the grime and the grunge of Manson’s cult and the shadowy side to their encampment, there is the muted loyalty of Pitt’s Booth and there are also many many digs at film stars past.

Can this retelling be taken as gospel? Of course not! Fiction is fiction after all, even if its basis may be fact.

Yes, Tarantino’s women are imperfect (cue: they snore!), nearly everyone uses profanity, Tate is portrayed as a vacuous, sweet blonde, his men are unlikely heroes and the violence when it arrives, is vicious, merciless and savage. These are all classic Tarantino tropes, and for a first-timer, they can be pretty shocking.

But look beyond that and you will see that what he is really trying to do, is change the course of history. In circumventing what really happened, by placing his protagonists as the obstacles to the murders, he is reimagining a more innocent world where evil was taken down before it could destroy beauty, innocence and life. 

Sure, that’s not what happened. But it could have.

In the distance between reality and Tarantino’s fiction lies his imaginary revenge, a sweet and futile attempt to alter the past.

Distil and percolate

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I was asked an interesting question recently. As most of you know, all my books have Indian settings and characters. It is a milieu I am intimately familiar with, having been born and raised in New Delhi. Those formative years are what I plumb for my locales, my characters and their stories. I am an Indian by birth, and even though I am a naturalised British citizen now, nothing can take that Indian identity out of me.

The question was, why didn’t I write stories based in the United Kingdom? After all, I have lived here for over two decades and surely that counts for something?

That got me thinking. Why am I unable to translate what I see around me, or my own experiences into stories worth telling? The answer, I think, is distance and perspective.

When I look back on my time in India, it seems like another life. A life that I lived well and enjoyed too, but I was a different person back then. It is so much easier for me to distil those experiences and percolate them to you in the form of my stories or novella. Far far more difficult to do that about my life in the here and now.

That’s not to say that I will not do this someday. Maybe even someday soon. But chances are, that it will take a few more years for these stories to fructify. In the meantime, I will continue to write what comes naturally to me, and if that just happens to be another tale, set in the fertile land of my birthplace, well, so be it!

Parvathy’s Well & other stories

Damage

The Intimacy of Loss: A Novella

Slow success

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Ah slow success
How sweet you are to me!
For within you I see
Every tentative step
Every bead of sweat
Every moment of doubt
Every reason to pull out

Yet here I am
And there you are
We reach for each other
Slowly… gently…
Still not touching
Like lovers who know
That the embrace is even sweeter
When the approach is slow.

Up close and personal

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Loss is universal. It is something each one of us will encounter at some point in our lives. Yet, how we deal with it is an intensely personal experience. Some of us will rage against the unfairness of it, some will accept it as our due, others will go into a state of denial, others still will perhaps find unhealthy crutches to lean on. No matter how we process loss, one thing we can be utterly and completely sure of is that we will be touched by it.

My own biggest loss was that of my mother. I was 27, newly married, living over 4000 miles away, and still trying to come to terms with the separation that my career and now, marriage had created between us. My mother had been my fulcrum for most of my life. She was the strongest, bravest, most beautiful lady that I had looked up to for nearly two decades. However, she was not without her faults, and as I grew out of my teens and set foot into my twenties, suddenly, for some unknown reason, her inadequacies were all I could focus on. Perhaps, that was Nature’s way of making sure that I would be able to fly the nest. But how hurtful it must have been for her to see this daughter, her only child, the one who had previously idolised her, turn cold and indifferent. Thankfully, that state did not last long. Sadly though, much before I could tell her how much she meant to me and how much I loved her, she was gone.

Everything I write today, is in some way or the other, dedicated to her. I can only hope to be half of the woman she was.

The Intimacy of Loss, my first novella, deals with the loss of innocence, the splintering of a family and the loss of a society’s morality. Puja is a teenage girl grappling with her sense of self, the dynamics of friendships and family ties and a strange, inexplicable bond that springs up between her and an outcast of society. It is a tale laced with loss, but also with love and hope.

I hope it is one my mother would be proud of.

You can buy the book at:

The Intimacy of Loss: A Novella

Don’t forget to review it once read. All your feedback is immensely valuable to me. Many thanks and happy reading. 🌹

Success redefined

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Success means different things to different people. For some, it may be about fame and fortune, scaling professional heights, becoming a household name, amassing riches; for others, it may be about conquering fears, learning a new language, travelling the world, discovering a cure for cancer; for others still, it may be about finding joy in the ordinary and the mundane, about paring back and appreciating the little things, just waking up healthy and whole every morning and being able to put one foot in front of the other.

My idea of success has changed a lot over the years. As a young girl, success to me meant being the best in my chosen field of endeavour. I was competitive and found it hard to settle for being second, especially in the areas I felt I dominated in. English language, elocution competitions, story writing, dance and drama were all arenas I felt I needed to prove myself as being better than my peers.

In time, life softened the sharper edges of my ambition. I realised that I didn’t need to be better than anyone else to know that I was good. If there was any competition to be had, it was with my former self. The idea was to be better than the person I was yesterday, and by better, not just professionally or artistically, but also in my everyday life, as a human being, a colleague, a wife, a daughter and mother. 

As years went by and other priorities asserted themselves, ambition to prove myself took a back seat to my navigating life and all its ups and downs. I wasn’t spared loss or grief. I wasn’t spared guilt or regret either. I learnt that one could plan as much as one wanted, but life would laugh in the face of those plans and everything could and would collapse like a house of cards. At that time, success to me was just making it from one day to the next.

Well into my fourth decade of life, I consider myself fortunate in the many blessings that I have been bestowed with. I am healthy, first and foremost. I have a loving family, a career that I enjoy, a hobby that I can spend time and money on, a small but trustworthy group of friends I can call upon if needed, and a mind that takes none of it for granted.

What success means to me today is very different from what it meant all those years ago. To see my children happy and healthy, to see my husband enjoy his career and thrive in it, to be able to connect with friends all over the world, in some shape or form, and to be able to write this blog or my books, constitutes success. This may seem very mediocre to some, but to me, it is enough.

I’m sure if you were to ask me twenty years from now, my idea of success would have changed once again. It is a moving target after all. My point is never to get bogged down in the details of what success should look like. It is what it looks like to you, and that is and should be an evolving thing. After all, in the eternally wise words of Maya Angelou: “Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.”